Family Reunions

My paternal grandmother's family, the Howards, was quite large- she was one of ten children who lived to adulthood.  I vividly remember family reunions from my childhood, when most of those original nine and their spouses were still living.  Among those original siblings whom I remember were Esther, Bob, Ed, Harry, Ruby, Dee, and Anna Bell (whom they called "Sis Dick") my grandmother.  For a time the reunions were twice a year, and then they became annual.  Though all of the original siblings and their spouses are dead now, the tradition of the family reunions continues even though it has been some years since I have been able to attend because I live out of state.  Among the most vivid memories I have are of Uncles Ed and Bob swapping jokes, stories, and tall-tales with my grandfather Ed Blair who, like them, was about as good as they come in the story telling department.  I remember Aunt Dee's key-lime pie and copious amounts of Eastern NC barbecue (the good stuff, as in nectar of the gods good).

In attending a worship service the last Sunday of my recent sabbatical, I had the realization that I was like a guest at a family reunion.  There were lots of folks who knew each other very well, and me the uninvited guest who was barely acknowledged as even being there.  At first I was far from happy with this thought, but as I thought more about it I realized that all of our worship services are family reunions.  The family (brothers and sisters in Christ) has reunited to worship him on Sunday morning.  Like local churches, some families are very cordial and loving, others tend to be more aloof with each other, and some are just plain dysfunctional.  Every church, like every family has its own DNA if you will.  Some of this DNA is denominational heritage, some is specific to the local church.  

At times, we in the church are called to task for being too "churchy" in our services.  Upon thinking about it, I don't think we should stop being "churchy" whatever that term actually means.  The "churchiness" is what distinguishes us, just as the family reunions I remember were characterized by key-lime pie, barbecue, and story telling.  We can no more quit being "churchy" than a cat can stop chasing mice and birds.  It's who we are.  A Krispy Kreme will smell of donuts, a Starbucks will smell of strong coffee, and a church will be a church.  They real issue isn't the "churchiness" but the willingness of the church to invite others in, welcome them, and show them to the really distinctive and cherished parts of its family reunions.  

My own opinion is this.  If it is your church's DNA to have an "invitation/altar call" at the close of every service by all means do it.  It's who you are.  If it is to be very high church with kneeling for prayers and sung responses, then do it.  One of the great ironies in Shakespeare's plays is found in Hamlet.  There the bard puts the great wisdom of the phrase "this above all, to thine own self be true," into the mouth of the sophomoric character Polonius.  You can no more be who you are without these distinctives than our family could have a reunion without the key-lime pie.  The problem isn't with "churchiness," it is with the inability at times of the church to welcome guests in to the family reunion.  

In my opinion the issue with worship isn't that some styles are inherently better or worse than others, or even that some styles are inherently more inviting and "visitor friendly" than others.  The issue is that some churches are more inviting and visitor friendly than others.  We too often lay at the feet of worship style the blame for a church's failure to grow or even for it's decline into death.  In my opinion a church that is cold and aloof will be cold and aloof no matter what the style, because its members are cold and aloof.   My suggestion is to focus on how we welcome our guests and show them around our Sunday morning family reunions.  Identify what is best in your church, most distinctive, and welcome your guests to it just as much as you would welcome a guest at your family reunion to the best dishes on the table.  Don't stop trying to be "churchy."  Don't stop being high church, low church, charismatic, or something in between.  Don't stop being the Joneses or Smiths or Howards.  Instead, genuinely welcome the newcomers to your family reunion and invite them to become a Jones, Smith, or Howard.