Church and Family

We have all heard people say, "our church is a family."  When stated of their own church, it is said as a matter of pride.  When spoken by a newcomer, or someone who is not a member, it is understood to be a high compliment.  The idea of family often inspires thoughts of love, acceptance, fellowship. In fact, it is true that churches should be places of love, acceptance, and fellowship.

With that as an introduction, allow me to play Devil's advocate.  We should not envision, or aspire for our churches to be a family!    "There are just so many people here now that I don't know."  "Our church is changing so much."  "I don't feel like we're one church anymore."  These statements belie an unspoken fear that a church has too many newcomers.  So begins the call for things to be done that would promote unity, that would promote nostalgic feelings of family.  How can it be a family if there are all those people I haven't known for years?  At this point churches have an invisible "No Vacancy" sign on the door. It is a sign they can't see, but which is clearly visible to everyone but them.

The fact is that any church with more than 40 or 50 in worship is not and cannot be a family.  The broader Kingdom of God may be viewed as a family where people are adopted in as sons or daughters of the King, but the local church should not view itself as a family.  Any steps to make it a family are likely to result in it becoming insular and closed, even if lip-service is paid to being welcoming and evangelical.  Let's think of it this way, families are by definition closed systems.  Someone doesn't walk into your home and say they want to be a part of your family.  You may welcome them and be hospitable, but they will never be family.  Families reproduce by making babies.  Churches that are families grow the way biological families do, by making babies.  The ancient Hebrews were a family, by nature they valued and cherished hospitality, but it was difficult to join from outside and they grew when their sons and daughters married and started families.  Too many churches are exactly like this.  The witness of the New Testament is that ancient Israel, using this model, failed to be the blessing to the rest of the world that it was intended to be.

The proper New Testament vision of a church is not of a family, but of a body.  Organisms, like our human bodies, are composed of cells.  Churches should look at themselves as bodies that are composed of cells, and the body as a whole grows as the cells divide and thereby multiply in number.  The people within each cell experience the love, acceptance, and fellowship that I had earlier mentioned in connection with the idea of church as family.  In even a medium sized church of 150-250 people (much less a large church!) it is impossible for everyone to know everyone and care for everyone.  Rather, there must be groups (cells to use this analogy) where people know and are known.  In such cells they are nurtured and challenged in the life of faith that is discipleship, where they care for each other.   The cells that make up your toes and ears probably don't "know each other" very well, but are both an integral part of the same body, nourished by the same blood and led from the same head.  The very fact that there are people you don't know is either an indication that you are not connected enough in the church, or that the church is a living body that is growing.  The next time someone in your church says, "I don't know everyone anymore," it is very possible that the best response is not a lament, but a resounding, "Praise the Lord!"

Our bodies grow by division and multiplication.  The cells divide, thereby multiplying the number of cells.  In the early days of Methodism, the movement grew the same way, and the church today can grow the same way.  The cells  take care of their own and grow and as they grow they will need to split to make two cells, which will then split to make four.  The church is a body, a living organism that grows by dividing and multiplying.  It is not a family at rest on the front porch in the cool of the evening.  At its best it is a strong, active living body that is always pushing forward.  It is always dividing, multiplying and growing to be an unstoppable force in the world.

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